AN Aussie Christmas

..Dad begs for one more hours peace, then tries to throw the leg
mum tells dad to get out, he still smells of the Christmas party keg.

..The kids are up and running round
toys piled up with excitement abound.

..A slug gun for the young'un, the possums don't stand a chance
pink push bike in the hallway, the daughter grinds out her dance.

..Hankies from grandma, jocks and socks from aunty May
the kids go off their nuts, they just love their Christmas day.

..The Christmas tree was chockers, decked out and looking grouse
dad bolts together the trampoline to get out of the noisy house.

..Our sprinkler sprays the driveway it's a hundred degrees today
an great Aussie tradition to let the kids cool off as they play

..Party hat goes on the dog that hangs around the table,
he awaits the bitch thats always at the heels of pretty Mabel.

..Breakfast done and finished with, the family will arrive soon
time to tidy up the wrappings, prepare for the festivities at noon.

..Lollies by the bucket full to hype these kids right out
more Rum for the fruit punch to give it a bit more clout

..Ham, turkey, prawns and oysters lay on chilled beds of ice,
with salads and the sauces, the taste buds drool,enticed.

..Shade cloth for the table a sheet to cover the lot
ice buckets full of grog to help us loose the plot.

..Every thing at the ready it's time to have a beer
won't be long until our home fills up with raucous yuletide cheer.

..All turn up in their Christmas clothes still creased with the odd ticket shown,
now small talk at the table, about how much the children have grown.

..As the grog starts to take effect everyone loosens up,
the stories flow of by gone years as mirth now fills their cup.

..Children sit intently and hear how grandpa won the war,
Grandma swats the mongrel off the bitch,"God knows what the children saw!"

..A cricket ball smashes into the Pavlova, splatting everyone around
leaving dad holding his belly laughing on the ground.

..Ice cream cake melts as kids fight over who's turn it is to bat,
while grandma still swatting the dogs, telling them to scat.

..Two uncles fight behind the shed about issues from years before,
with side bets on the result to see who evens out the score.

..Cousin Ron fell off the skateboard smashing it to bits,
says he'll buy another as his kiddy throws some fits.

..The women sound like chooks cackling about to lay an egg,
ready to sleep off his swollen belly, dad's headed for the bed.

..Yes it's Christmas day in the land of Oz where a laid back party is the go,
no formalities here, we let it all hang out, while we watch our family tree grow.

..Cold cuts left over so we'll eat them for the week
Boxing day is clean up day as the prawn heads start to reek.

..Hung over heads tidy up as we hear a true Christmas din
a symphony of stubbies, tinkle and smash in an overflowing bin.

Daddies Day

.It's Daddies day in the land of Oz,
was given the day off..just because.

...Woke up late,
I was told the plan,
for brecky in bed
'cos I'm the man.

...I tell 'em don't worry it's just a normal day
to me every day, is Fathers day!

...I wash everyday, the skid marked jocks
and listen to arguments about the school socks.

...One wants Vegemite the others want cheese,
the baby whops me in the cods which brings me to my knees.

...The eldest boy gets locked up, the copper wants him booked
dad jumps on the phone and get's the problem over looked.

...I'm always in the crap , and never get it right
but handy when things go crazy, or go 'bump in the night'.

...I'll pick 'em up or drop 'em off
kick 'em in the arse or treat 'em soft.

...Yes it's daddies day, the beer is for free
I phoned my dad and the kids phoned me.

...So today I'll put me feet up,
feel the love and have no fights,
then later on when the door is closed,
it'll be one of daddies naughty nights.